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How many marks out of 10 would you give the ratings?

No

Godden 5 – reasonable in his general play, but you can’t fluff three clear chances

An encouraging performance all round, unlucky to lose. There will be loads of entertainment this season. Wilson 8 – can’t fault him for anything Eccles 7 – barely mentioned by people in the pre-season discussions, but versatile and a key part of the squad Thomas 8 – looks a superb signing, but...

The AP were definitely a top non-league side in that period, and going there and mixing with the players in the bar afterwards was very different from watching First Division football at Highfield Road. Very easy for me to attend as well, so I followed them casually for a while, but I was only...

But the King of Shaves will help.

I don’t care about the cost. We’ve signed the supercool 6’3” offspring of a threesome between Dion Dublin, Viktor Gyokeres and Callum Wilson* I reckon he could be box office. * Disclaimer – I accept that there may be occasional performances where this isn’t obvious

I think it's fair to say he's excited. And so am I.

Remember we've taken control of our borders. I reckon the immigration guys have looked at the videos and decided he's too good, and it wouldn't be fair on the other teams to allow him to play in the Championship.

Last night I actually had a dream that I was called to a secret meeting with Sky Blue Pete at a hotel bar deep in the countryside, and he said the club’s hierarchy had tipped him off that we were thinking of releasing Ben Turner if he didn’t get his act together. In fairness to the player we...

I’m convinced you all keep teasing me with anagrams. I reckon you are really referring to Slim Sheeger, the pacy winger from Colorado Rapids being brought in to keep Haji Wright company.

How many years after you married her did you get to the second stage?

That last one!

You guys realise that this is the Haji thread, and if he's just started reading it he'll think you're talking about him?

Not just us upgrading the training ground facilities then

Squirt rather than plonk I think

THE best keeper we've ever had IMO, and did as much as anyone else to get us into the top flight, keep us there in the tough early seasons, and get us into Europe. Arguably we might have got past Bayern Munich if he hadn't been injured for the first leg. Really weird that I jokingly referenced...

I do, but with my limited maths it just seemed you were underestimatng the wages by a factor of 4

Maybe they recalled Bill Glazier on a short term contract to do that

Get a few tall players to stand in front of the broken window