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Just bumped into a couple of city fans in their shirts. Tried to convince me they weren’t in fancy dress!

Robbing bastards at Bristol Airport parking. Just booked flights for a week away on Wednesday and the parking is twice the price of my return flight, £158 for the week!

I’m told there’s a special serum for this. Cums in a handy sized container. It needs a good shake before application.

Hate those taps in pubs where you push down to operate. They go all over my pants and make it look like I’ve pissed myself.

You leave us upper crusts alone!

I think we should follow the modern methodolgy and play a false 1 to 11.

The new way to keep NHS waiting lists down. Last year I had a new hip here in Oxfordshire. From seeing the GP it took 10 weeks for the new hip. I’ve had a very painful knee now for some years and had an arthroscopy 3/4 years ago. Recently had an X-ray where I’ve got advanced osteoarthritis and...

Modern cars! Give me a traditional handbrake and a spare wheel every time.

Brereton Diaz allowed toleave Villarreal on loan in January. Worth a shout or over-rated?

We’re all doomed!

Always loads of them at Bicester Village. They were wearing masks well before COVID broke out. Maybe they knew something?

The team's lacking penetration and needs more spunk.

Is that a baguette Mr Greggs, or are you just pleased to see me?

If Eccles can't put in a good corner, just go short and change the play. Why wasn't he told to do this?

Thought their set at Glastonbury was fantastic, best of the weekend.

What gets my goat is that farmers can now "rewild" fields and receive a payment. Grow more f***ing food and help stop importing it. (But not pumpkins which are carved and thrown away).

Maybe just collecting stadiums!

He just needs a bit of time to gel himself in.......

I fully concur dear chap.

If you go to the Tower pop next door to Saint Katherine’s Dock. Fantastic area usually pretty quiet with a great pub- The Dickens Inn. Whole place is a hidden gem.