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In fairness, modern football is shit. Your club more than most is a perfect demonstration of why.

Speaking as someone who speaks and often writes in English, I'm struggling to find any too.

Absolutely no contest.

He was the little one out of the Krankies.

For my money he's always been the worst thing about HIGNFY and those Galton & Simpson things were dire.

Yep, agree with all these. Can I say Davina fucking McCall? There are two permanent marks on my tv screen because of her.

I think you've made this up. Are you telling me he took a five minute break from saying "Garlic bread?" and "Eeh, do you remember (insert name of something that was popular in the 80s)? What were that/they all about?"? No, I simply don't believe you. It's literally not possible that Peter Kay...

Miranda whatsherface, because she's painfully unfunny Sandi 'Clive Anderson in a wig' Toksvig, purely because of her tone of voice Peter 'I think saying ordinary sentences in a northern accent is comedy' Kay

There's one on Granby Street that changes its name every few weeks. Last time I went there, the night finished up with an unfunny bloke in a dress who seemed to think he didn't have to be funny because he was wearing a dress and that in itself was funny. It wasn't. At all. Oh, and we have the...

St Mirren?

How reliable can this info be if they've got 8.33% of the teams' names wrong? Where has it come from?

Genuine football fans?

How odd. Hartlepool are a United and Stevenage dropped the 'Borough' several years ago.

What do Hartlepool T and Stevenage B mean?

Can't help feeling that's his own fault.

Wasn't the best was it?

Mine too. We've joined a swingers' site.

That wasn't icing around the edges you know.

Ball, Johnson? Paintsil?? MILLS ffs?!? I knew you were shite last season but I didn't realise you had a team full of corpses.

Yes, with the likes of Michael Ball, Michael Johnson, Darius Vassell, Neil Danns, Jermaine Beckford, John Paintsil and Matt Mills in the squad it's astonishing we didn't fall through the trapdoor with you lot. If. That's the key word isn't it. The financial situation is discussed in this...