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I was arrested yesterday. All I did was rub margarine over strange women. I was charged for storking.

length of rope, tin of lighter fluid, box of matches, packet of scalpel blades. 500 paracetamol tablets, bottle of vodka, mirror. right, that's my nephews christmas gifts all bought and wrapped... the little ginger fucker!!

Karma sutra position 52 "The Pirate" . When doing it doggy style spit on her back so she thinks you have finished. When she turns around blast her in the face. Known as "The Pirate" because she'll put one hand over her eye and shout "Aarrrghh".

I bumped into an old mate this morning. He asked what I was up to these day's. I told him I prepare meals for the homeless, druggies and down and outs. He said "So you work in a soup kitchen then". I replied ". No, I'm a chef in a Weatherspoons pub".

I fainted in the curry house when I heard REM had split up. That's me in the korma

More like "the city is arse, the city is arse, we have no clubs, the city is arse" (in reference to the shiteness of cov city centre's 'nightlife')

Certainly agree name chanting is a bad idea... every time we do it, it sends a message to the board that the player in question may be of value and next thing you know he's being touted out for anything they can get.:D

My wife was cooking breakfast this morning as my 4 year old daughter and I were at the kitchen table. "Daddy", she asked pointing to the stove, "Where do we get bacon from?" "Well poppet", I replied, "We get it from a pig." "Wow", said my awestruck little girl. "What else do we get from the pig"...

Bollocks song - the villa scum sing that. Bloke in my office sings it every time they beat the blues.

Agree with the view that if they'd have gone through the correct procedures like us 'static' people have to, then I'd have no problem with what they were building if they were given permission. However, they somehow think normal laws don't apply to them and because they have their own 'code' by...

Doesn't look bad at all. I'd say a mix of Huckerby, Aloisi and Eastwood. Would like us to get a decent winger on loan to get some ball into him and Juke.

As you can see typing on the phone ain't easy when you've got chunky fingers. Can't be arsed to edit it though.

I didn't think that much of him against Leicester - looked a bit lost and a bit clueless when on the ball if not able to make a 5 yard pass. However... I'm prepared to give the lad some slack as, like others have said, he's very raw and untested at this level, seems to have a good attitude...

Can you spare just £2 per month for the World Wildlife Federation ? Some fucker as just shot all the birds above Tripoli

I've adopted a little African child, I worried that he wouldn't adapt well to our way of life... So to make him feel at home, I put a treadmill in front of the sink.

:facepalm:What am thinking, he wouldn't ask - he'd just turn up, make a mess of everything then disappear for ages. Pretty much the same as his city career really.

Did Eastwood come to you looking for plots of land big enough for 15 families?

Sock cooker in Hillfields - good regular work when I get it, but occasionally leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Yeah I'm going - no tickets yet. Not unusual though, i didn't get my England v Switzerland tickets through until about 10 days before, so hopefully they should be getting sent out soon - which is good as it gives me less time to lose them.

Signed up. I'm guessing i'll be added at some point before the next games.