Pros and cons of having kids - and not having them

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by oucho, Jun 7, 2018.

  1. oucho

    oucho Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2015
    Messages:
    3,919
    Likes Received:
    2,211
    Location:
    Lincoln
    Credit:
    £59.50
    Penny for your thoughts everyone; I don't have kids but it's a discussion topic with me and the mrs. Must say I do not feel a natural instinct or enthusiasm for being a dad....but I want to be open minded and as part of doing so would like to hear genuine thoughts from users on here of the upside and downsides of being a dad - and for those older childless blokes what were the good/bad bits about not having them.
    Cheers
     
    clerkin61 and lifeskyblue like this.
  2. clint van damme

    clint van damme Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2015
    Messages:
    8,195
    Likes Received:
    8,864
    Credit:
    £120.85
    pros-none
    cons-they'll bleed you dry and treat you like a c**t
     
  3. Monners

    Monners Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2013
    Messages:
    3,420
    Likes Received:
    1,313
    Location:
    Northampton
    Credit:
    £42.05
    It’s wonderful being a dad. I took my lad to Wembley to see his first ever game - made my day (saw you in the pub before the game). Downside - I had to buy the ticket for the little twat.
     
  4. covmark

    covmark Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2010
    Messages:
    4,587
    Likes Received:
    2,917
    Location:
    hampshire
    Credit:
    £64.50
    I wish I'd lived a little more before I had mine. Had my eldest when I was 23 youngest 5 years later. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed myself beforehand, but there was many things I wanted to do before I had children.
    Wouldn't change it for the world though. There's no better feeling on this earth than seeing my little girls joyous smile and loving cuddle when I come in from work.
    They do bleed you dry though haha.

    Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
     
    Astute, RegTheDonk and oucho like this.
  5. Malaka

    Malaka Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2014
    Messages:
    1,217
    Likes Received:
    825
    Location:
    Coventry
    Credit:
    £1.36
    Pro's
    Mrs Malaka shouts at them instead of me.
    I have an excuse to do the coasters in Florida
    I hope they take me to the city when I'm too old to get there
    I love watching them play club football

    Con's
    Life flies by
    They are expensive
    Cant have a kip on the settee
    Sports Cars are useless
    Cant have more motorbikes
    Their music is shite
    They have no idea how to occupy themselves away from a screen
    They are hard work
     
  6. Otis

    Otis Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2011
    Messages:
    55,019
    Likes Received:
    3,529
    Credit:
    £1,199.29
    I would be lost without my daughter.


    She's fab with sat navs.

    No, I cannot imagine life without my daughter. She makes me smile every day.

    Wanted kids ever since I was about 16. Wish I had more and children make all family gatherings much more enjoyable.

    The thought of my growing old alone scares the life out of me.

    Hoping she never moves too far away when she is older.

    She is my daughter, but also my best mate too. We go to town together, to the Godiva together, listen and sing along to songs together in the car and she hugs me every single day.

    I truly would be lost without her for sure.
     
  7. pastythegreat

    pastythegreat Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2013
    Messages:
    1,866
    Likes Received:
    1,215
    Credit:
    £115.07
    Cons.
    No money
    No sleep
    No free time for hobbies.
    Any free time taken up with children's hobbies.

    Pros.
    Palming them off on Nan and Grandad on a Saturday night and getting shit faced!

    No seriously though. They tale up MOST of your time and quite often are pains in the arse, but you wouldn't change it.
    My son is 10 which is a nice age. He's not quite at the moody (Kevin and Perry) age just yet but is old enough to keep himself happy in the evenings after school while were making dinner and tidying up etc. Loves coming to the football with me and his grandad. Loves playing football. Loves fortnite and Minecraft.
    My little girl on the other hand is 3. And bloody hell she's hard work! She takes up every minute of every day! She's load, she's boisterous, she's in to absolutely everything. When she's in bed you honestly feel like you've gone deaf.
    Funny story, last week,
    7.30 Monday "Eleanor, get up it's time for Nursery"!
    7.30 Tuesday "Eleanor, get up it's time for Nursery"!
    7.30 Wednesday "Eleanor, get up it's time for Nursery"!
    And so the week continues the same.
    5.30 Saturday. "Daddy, can we get up now? I want breakfast"!
     
  8. Otis

    Otis Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2011
    Messages:
    55,019
    Likes Received:
    3,529
    Credit:
    £1,199.29
    Mine is the same. Have trouble getting her up every morning.

    Comes to the weekend and I say she can sleep in and she gets up early.
     
  9. rob9872

    rob9872 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2011
    Messages:
    6,704
    Likes Received:
    2,740
    Credit:
    £0.86
    Wasn't fussed until we had one but absolutely the best thing you'll ever do. Can't describe it to a non parent and do it justice (even when they'e a little shit lol)
     
    Astute, stupot07, Cv3cov and 3 others like this.
  10. pastythegreat

    pastythegreat Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2013
    Messages:
    1,866
    Likes Received:
    1,215
    Credit:
    £115.07
    Maybe try reverse psychology and tell her she has to get up early

    Sent from my SM-G955F using Tapatalk
     
    oucho and Otis like this.
  11. Otis

    Otis Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2011
    Messages:
    55,019
    Likes Received:
    3,529
    Credit:
    £1,199.29
    I'm very lucky.

    Mine is 13 and very nearly 14, so at that troublesome age, but she is hardly any trouble at all.

    Only ever had one temper tantrum in her life too, when she was about 3.
     
  12. lifeskyblue

    lifeskyblue Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2015
    Messages:
    4,015
    Likes Received:
    2,145
    Credit:
    £98.50
    We have 5 kids (age range 15-32...youngest a late addition)and they have never been any trouble. Wouldn’t change a thing. A couple of teenage moments that Caused family tensions for an hour or two but really were nothing. 3 now married so off our hands.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
    Astute and Otis like this.
  13. Covstu

    Covstu Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2008
    Messages:
    10,616
    Likes Received:
    1,716
    Location:
    Costa del Cov
    Credit:
    £52.30
    I have two girls, 4 and 7. As babies it’s less fun but really love it at this age. They play well together, love chatting to them about their day and they help me get through shit days at work.

    Cons - you can live your life around them, you need time out but probably enjoy that time even more. Your knackered by 8pm on a Friday night, can’t get an hour to yourself to switch off, constantly watching kids TV, constantly picking up toys, bits of food. Constantly have random kids songs in your head, diet goes to shit as there is more sweets and chocolate in the house, end up standing around parks watching the kids play and wanting to tell other kids off for being little shits, a lot of pressure in trying to make their birthdays and Christmas’s magical but to end up them wanting something else on the day, trying to find interesting th8ngs for them to eat but usually end up with the usual, spending Saturday ferrying them around to swimming and various other pursuits...


    But wouldn’t change it for the world!
     
    Astute, I_Saw_Shaw_Score and oucho like this.
  14. oucho

    oucho Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2015
    Messages:
    3,919
    Likes Received:
    2,211
    Location:
    Lincoln
    Credit:
    £59.50
    I did think your lad looked a bit shy, didn't realise it was his first game!
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2018
  15. oucho

    oucho Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2015
    Messages:
    3,919
    Likes Received:
    2,211
    Location:
    Lincoln
    Credit:
    £59.50
    Thanks all for your thoughts...what do you do if the mrs says that having a kid is a red line in the relationship i.e. no baby = not together?
     
  16. pipkin73

    pipkin73 Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2011
    Messages:
    564
    Likes Received:
    161
    Location:
    Gran Canaria
    Credit:
    £85.83
    My Mrs passed away on the 8th May and we never had kids as she had polycystic ovaries. We talked about ivf but we never got round to it. Now she has gone i feel so empty but i'm sure if we had a child that would have gave me something to hang on to (a little bit of her still here).
    All i can say is if you can have kids then have at least one, as most people i know say they changed their lives for the better and you never know what's around the corner mate.

    By the way she was only 45 so not old by any means.
     
    ccfchoi87 likes this.
  17. olderskyblue

    olderskyblue Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2011
    Messages:
    2,220
    Likes Received:
    1,237
    Credit:
    £55.00
    I didn’t have a natural inclination to have kids, but as soon as the first one was born, it was like pouring a bucket full of emotion down your neck. Amazing.

    The first 35 years are the worst mind....

    (Someone had to follow pipkins post. Wow that’s a whole lot of bad luck. Condolences fella. )
     
    Otis likes this.
  18. pipkin73

    pipkin73 Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2011
    Messages:
    564
    Likes Received:
    161
    Location:
    Gran Canaria
    Credit:
    £85.83
    Cheers mate
     
  19. Otis

    Otis Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2011
    Messages:
    55,019
    Likes Received:
    3,529
    Credit:
    £1,199.29
    Wish you the very best for the future, Pipkin and I hope that along with the sadness you can find great moments of joy in reminiscing about your life together.

    Good luck.
     
  20. Gazolba

    Gazolba Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2013
    Messages:
    5,691
    Likes Received:
    1,971
    Location:
    BBC says 'outside the UK'
    Credit:
    £122.55
    Having kids was the beginning of the end of my marriage. After we had kids we ceased to be a couple and became a mother and father instead. Since we had two kids, instead of being the most important person to my wife, I dropped to third most important. That's the short version covering 20 years I could write a book about.
    I'm not saying don't have kids, but make sure you and your wife remain the most important person to each other, over and above the kids. That's probably harder for the woman than the man because the kids were actually part of her. and you were not.
     
    Ashdown likes this.
  21. Otis

    Otis Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2011
    Messages:
    55,019
    Likes Received:
    3,529
    Credit:
    £1,199.29
    Hmm, interesting, because my daughter is more important to me than my wife and and she is more important to my wife than I am to my wife.

    We are all different. There is no right or wrong here I would say.
     
  22. Corrado

    Corrado Active Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2014
    Messages:
    349
    Likes Received:
    232
    Credit:
    £63.43
    If you are debating whether or not to have kids, I think you have kinda already made up your mind... You will never look back and wish you didn't have them when they are actually here, actually maybe on a few occasions when they are winding you the hell up (which they will) but you will regret it later in life if you have even the smallest feeling that you might want to be a dad.
    Iv got two now, 3 & 6 year old boys, its hard as hell most the time but 100% worth it (currently debating with the Mrs whether or not to go for a 3rd........)
     
    RegTheDonk likes this.
  23. NorthernWisdom

    NorthernWisdom Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2013
    Messages:
    15,943
    Likes Received:
    11,616
    Credit:
    £82.00
    My sympathies, and wishing you all the best.
     
    Ashdown likes this.
  24. NorthernWisdom

    NorthernWisdom Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2013
    Messages:
    15,943
    Likes Received:
    11,616
    Credit:
    £82.00
    Never really wanted children, starting to reflect if that's still the case

    One thing I would say oucho is don't have children to keep the woman, have them because you want them.
     
  25. Sick Boy

    Sick Boy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2008
    Messages:
    9,584
    Likes Received:
    4,544
    Location:
    Brighton & Hove
    Credit:
    £5.93
    Sorry to hear that mate, hope you're keeping okay and stay strong.
     
    rob9872 likes this.
  26. block16

    block16 Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2014
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    11
    Credit:
    £63.67
    Sorry to hear this mate hope you’re alright x
     
  27. jimmyhillsfanclub

    jimmyhillsfanclub Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2012
    Messages:
    3,762
    Likes Received:
    3,587
    Location:
    here
    Credit:
    £110.01
    Fucking hell......I know only too well life can be cruel but thats shit mate........I'm buying you a virtual pint as I type, with this virtual credit thats appeared on the forum.

    Look after yourself fella.......and as others in this place will testify, its a good place to indulge in a little anonymous middle-aged man therapy
     
  28. Nick

    Nick Administrator

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2008
    Messages:
    78,863
    Likes Received:
    26,167
    Location:
    Coventry
    Credit:
    £430.04
    Really sorry to hear this :(
     
  29. covmark

    covmark Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2010
    Messages:
    4,587
    Likes Received:
    2,917
    Location:
    hampshire
    Credit:
    £64.50
    All the best to you pal. Life can really kick you in the teeth sometimes.

    Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
     
  30. Manchester_sky_blue

    Manchester_sky_blue Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2013
    Messages:
    1,228
    Likes Received:
    426
    Credit:
    £109.48
    Really sorry to hear this. Life is cruel but i also believe that it tries to balance out the injustices so i hope and trust that there is a new kind of happiness waiting for you. Wishing you all the best.
     
    Otis likes this.
  31. Manchester_sky_blue

    Manchester_sky_blue Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2013
    Messages:
    1,228
    Likes Received:
    426
    Credit:
    £109.48
    I think I did know that I wanted kids but I wasn't at all sure that I was ready for the first one. When he was born though all thoughts of being ready, not ready, doubts, whatever all faded away. It does totally change your life but speaking for myself it changed it for the better. I view having kids as 50% amazing and 50% shite. But that 50% amazing stuff is better than anything I ever experienced before we had the kids.

    Put it this way, when you have kids, they will do a poo on your carpet. But they are the only human beings you will ever allow to remain under your roof having done said poo and astoundingly, you won’t think any less of them for it either :)

    I do heed the earlier comment about making sure you still make time to be a married couple and not just parents. It's hard to do but it is essential.
     
  32. stupot07

    stupot07 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2011
    Messages:
    23,355
    Likes Received:
    7,716
    Credit:
    £67.53
    Really sorry to hear that. Life is horrible sometimes.

    Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
     
  33. Sky Blue Pete

    Sky Blue Pete Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2012
    Messages:
    6,914
    Likes Received:
    1,061
    Credit:
    £84.17
    Lovely thread

    I have 3. 2 girls and a boy. 18, 14 and 11

    Gosh I feel old.

    Pros - they are wonderful and enhance my life every day

    Cons - messing up on a daily basis by not facing enough time , patience or love for them
     
  34. Sky_Blue_Daz

    Sky_Blue_Daz Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2011
    Messages:
    3,284
    Likes Received:
    1,409
    Credit:
    £73.98
    Only have the one child, absolutely adore my daughter.

    We clash occasionally but I think that’s natural, doesn’t matter how crap my day has been seeing her always makes me smile.
    We have always been praised as parents for our daughters good manners and how respect they full she is to others
    Always wanted more children but sadly that’s the way the Cards fell
     
  35. Covstu

    Covstu Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2008
    Messages:
    10,616
    Likes Received:
    1,716
    Location:
    Costa del Cov
    Credit:
    £52.30
    i think things like this need to be thought through. Its hardly getting a dog, having a kid can make a relationship or maybe detract from what currently isn't working. I have seen a few try this and then still break up but with an added complication. Hope it works out for the best though fella
     
    Astute, oucho and RegTheDonk like this.

Share This Page