Non-sexual fruit and vegetables (3 Viewers)

Otis · Jul 2, 2020

Are there any?

Been chatting to a friend online and I called her a daft aubergine one day and put up an aubergine emoji.

Her 16 year old daughter saw it and said you can't do that, that represents a fat penis. Worse still, I put up an aubergine and a kiss.

I had actually started calling her an aubergine as a nickname.

After some research and being schooled by a 26 year old, I find that practically no food is safe.

Cherries - Testicles
Grapes - Testicles
Banana - Penis
Cucumber - Penis
Eggs - Testicles
Melons - Breasts
Sausage - Penis
Strawberries - Nipples
Pitta bread - Vagina
Hot Dog - Penis in vagina
Aubergine - Fat penis
Celery - Thin penis
Nuts - Testicles
Mayonnaise - Sperm
Cherry tomatoes - Nipples
Button mushrooms - Clitorises
Pears - Pairs of breasts
Jelly - Breasts
Carrots - Penis
Custard - Sperm
Donuts - Breasts
Sweetcorn - Nipples
Lemons - Testicles
Kumquats - Testicles
Olives - Nipples

So far, only lentils and spinach escape.

I now also need to find another nickname for her. We went from Aubergine to You Sausage-fingered Idiot, but that didn't go down too well either.

At the moment I am going for You Onion-Faced Freak, but am looking for something better, but non-sexual.

She just calls me Numpty, which obviously is a very good fit.

clint van damme · Jul 2, 2020

I'm more concerned by your definition of fruit and veg Otis!

Sausage, Pitta bread, Mayonnaise, Hot Dog, Custard!!

skybluesam66 · Jul 2, 2020

clint van damme said:
I'm more concerned by your definition of fruit and veg Otis!

Sausage, Pitta bread, Mayonnaise, Hot Dog, Custard!!

Thats his 5 a day

skybluetony176 · Jul 2, 2020

Plums
Bean sprouts
Courgette
Marrow

Wyken Sky Blue · Jul 2, 2020

Otis said:
Are there any?

Been chatting to a friend online and I called her a daft aubergine one day and put up an aubergine emoji.

Her 16 year old daughter saw it and said you can't do that, that represents a fat penis. Worse still, I put up an aubergine and a kiss.

I had actually started calling her an aubergine as a nickname.

After some research and being schooled by a 26 year old, I find that practically no food is safe.

Cherries - Testicles
Grapes - Testicles
Banana - Penis
Cucumber - Penis
Eggs - Testicles
Melons - Breasts
Sausage - Penis
Strawberries - Nipples
Pitta bread - Vagina
Hot Dog - Penis in vagina
Aubergine - Fat penis
Celery - Thin penis
Nuts - Testicles
Mayonnaise - Sperm
Cherry tomatoes - Nipples
Button mushrooms - Clitorises
Pears - Pairs of breasts
Jelly - Breasts
Carrots - Penis
Custard - Sperm
Donuts - Breasts
Sweetcorn - Nipples
Lemons - Testicles
Kumquats - Testicles
Olives - Nipples

So far, only lentils and spinach escape.

I now also need to find another nickname for her. We went from Aubergine to You Sausage-fingered Idiot, but that didn't go down too well either.

At the moment I am going for You Onion-Faced Freak, but am looking for something better, but non-sexual.

She just calls me Numpty, which obviously is a very good fit.

How did you miss off Peach from that list?!

ovduk78 · Jul 2, 2020

What about physalis?

Otis · Jul 2, 2020

skyblue1991 said:
How did you miss off Peach from that list?!

I didn't think I had.

Everything has an alternative meaning these days and I feel I am always insulting people. Sausage-fingered Idiot is slightly insulting though too I guess.

ajsccfc · Jul 2, 2020

While they arguably have the most resemblance to a body part, kiwis basically being hairy balls surely would put anyone off so I'm putting them forward as least sexual.

Houchens Head · Jul 2, 2020

Star Anise?

Badger · Jul 2, 2020

Cabbage

Houchens Head · Jul 2, 2020

Otis · Jul 2, 2020

Phwoar

shmmeee · Jul 2, 2020

Turnip.

Nothing sexual about a turnip. Unless you’re Baldrick maybe.

Brighton Sky Blue · Jul 2, 2020

All these posts have done is make me imagine the 'non sexual' foods as the opposite

OffenhamSkyBlue · Jul 2, 2020

I'm not so much worried by Otis' inclusion of other foodstuffs as fruit & veg, but his sexual obsession!

Brighton Sky Blue · Jul 2, 2020

Now this video makes so much sense

Otis · Jul 2, 2020

OffenhamSkyBlue said:
I'm not so much worried by Otis' inclusion of other foodstuffs as fruit & veg, but his sexual obsession!

Next time anyone says "nice cherries' to me though, I am immediately going to check if my flies are undone.

OffenhamSkyBlue · Jul 2, 2020

I don't think there was any mention of bread products ...

Nice buns
Lovely baps
Is that a baguette in your pocket are or you just pleased to see me?
Not sure where the Cov batch comes in though ...

Brighton Sky Blue · Jul 2, 2020

OffenhamSkyBlue said:
I don't think there was any mention of bread products ...

Nice buns
Lovely baps
Is that a baguette in your pocket are or you just pleased to see me?
Not sure where the Cov batch comes in though ...

Think it's like a Manchester Tart

Otis · Jul 2, 2020

Brighton Sky Blue said:
Think it's like a Manchester Tart

You mean Crotchless Chrissie?

Brighton Sky Blue · Jul 2, 2020

Otis said:
You mean Crotchless Chrissie?

Nah she's the Cov Butch

Otis · Jul 2, 2020

I always knew her as Nora McKnuckles.

Covkid1968# · Jul 2, 2020

OffenhamSkyBlue said:
I don't think there was any mention of bread products ...

Nice buns
Lovely baps
Is that a baguette in your pocket are or you just pleased to see me?
Not sure where the Cov batch comes in though ...

I say bread products to the Mrs and she calls me a twat and says nobody refers to bread and stuff as bread products. So thank you OSB

Otis · Jul 2, 2020

Covkid1968# said:
I say bread products to the Mrs and she calls me a twat and says nobody refers to bread and stuff as bread products. So thank you OSB

I have never heard that either.

I always says bakery stuff.

OffenhamSkyBlue · Jul 2, 2020

Covkid1968# said:
I say bread products to the Mrs and she calls me a twat and says nobody refers to bread and stuff as bread products. So thank you OSB

No problem! She often tells me you're a twat about lots of things though! :cigar:

But seriously, i was trying to think of the collective phrase, and I prefer that to "baked goods", which makes me think of a tin of beans!!
Or "breadstuffs"?!
I'm glad i'm not alone (in this, if nothing else!)

wingy · Jul 2, 2020

Maybe follow the French model and go Boulongerie / patisserie?

Otis · Jul 2, 2020

wingy said:
Maybe follow the French model and go Boulongerie / patisserie?

Boulongerie sounds too much like lingerie for my liking.

wingy · Jul 2, 2020

Otis said:
Boulongerie sounds too much like lingerie for my liking.

It does to Google too .

OffenhamSkyBlue · Jul 3, 2020

Otis said:
Boulongerie sounds too much like lingerie for my liking.

Oh behave - you've now got me thinking about an extremely attractive woman who works in the boulangerie in the ski resort we've been going to in France for the past three years (and will be again next year), and who i talk to every morning when i'm out there for my week on the piste.
People aren't usually at their best at 7.30 in the morning, but she is evidently beautiful all the time!

ovduk78 · Jul 3, 2020

OffenhamSkyBlue said:
Oh behave - you've now got me thinking about an extremely attractive woman who works in the boulangerie in the ski resort we've been going to in France for the past three years (and will be again next year), and who i talk to every morning when i'm out there for my week on the piste.
People aren't usually at their best at 7.30 in the morning, but she is evidently beautiful all the time!

Does she like to caress your baguette?

Otis · Jul 3, 2020

ovduk78 said:
Does she like to caress your baguette?

Nope, she found his petit pain far too small.

Non-sexual fruit and vegetables (3 Viewers)

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