Lies you were told as a kid......

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Houchens Head, Oct 8, 2019.

  1. Houchens Head

    Houchens Head Fairly well known member from Malvern

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    ….. and believed! Apart from the usual Father Christmas shite, Tooth Fairy stuff and the like.
    1) I was always told that if I swallowed any fruit pips I'd have a tree growing from my head!
    2) Sitting too close to the TV would give me square eyes!
    3) When receiving Holy Communion, if it touched a single tooth it was a 'mortal sin!' (well, according to those f**kin' nuns, anyway!)
    4) "Tell me the truth. I won't get angry!"
    5) Eating the crust of bread would make my hair curly.
    Any more?
     
  2. Otis

    Otis Well-Known Member

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    That God existed.
     
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  3. CanadianCCFC

    CanadianCCFC Well-Known Member

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    And as you’ve grown up you’ve seen proof otherwise?
     
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  4. dutchman

    dutchman Well-Known Member

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    "If you don't behave, we'll send you back"

    (As if that was even physically possible)
     
  5. clint van damme

    clint van damme Well-Known Member

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    "and it's Coventry City, Coventry city FC, we're by far the greatest team, the world has ever seen".
     
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  6. tommydazzle

    tommydazzle Well-Known Member

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    That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.
     
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  7. ajsccfc

    ajsccfc Well-Known Member

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    'All uncles do this, just don't tell your parents'
     
  8. Sbarcher

    Sbarcher Well-Known Member

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    The old one - if the ice cream van was playing music, it meant it had run out of ice cream
     
  9. fellatio_Martinez

    fellatio_Martinez Well-Known Member

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    If I made a funny face and the wind changed my face would stay funny.

    Touching dandelions would make me piss the bed.

    Jack Frost would get me if I went outside at night.

    Uncle Seamus didn't touch me and I dreamt it all.
     
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  10. Gazolba

    Gazolba Well-Known Member

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    Plenty of sunshine is good for you (I even bought a sunlamp because of this)
    Drink milk and you'll get strong bones.
    Eat meat if you want to be strong.
    Vegetables taste delicious.
    Cross-country running is fun.
    Swimming is easy, everyone can float (I can't, I sink)
    Stop scowling or your face will stay like that.
    Masturbation will make you go blind.

    And as for religion:
    The world was created in 6 days.
    Jesus walked on water and rose from the dead.
    Joseph had a coat of many colours
    A stick turned into a snake.
    People suddenly started speaking foreign languages.
    Methuselah lived to be 969 years old (had to look this one up).
    Two of every animal were in Noah's ark.
    (I probably could have said just about everything we were taught in Religious Instruction)

    I'm sure there's lots more.
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2019
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  11. no_loyalty

    no_loyalty Well-Known Member

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    If you don't eat all of my dinner, it would be served up again tomorrow.
     
  12. Houchens Head

    Houchens Head Fairly well known member from Malvern

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    That was never a lie in my upbringing. I hated steamed, yellow fish on a Friday night tea-time and would take well over an hour trying to swallow just a couple of mouthfuls. And, yes, it was there on my breakfast plate in the morning! (This story is told in my autobiography - Chapter 2, pages 17 & 18)
     
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  13. skybluetony176

    skybluetony176 Well-Known Member

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    If you keep playing with it it will fall off.
     
  14. Houchens Head

    Houchens Head Fairly well known member from Malvern

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    And this also...…...
    .
    Villa Supporter.jpg
     
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  15. Sky_Blue_Daz

    Sky_Blue_Daz Well-Known Member

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    It wasn’t Rebecca Vardy
     
  16. Sky_Blue_Dreamer

    Sky_Blue_Dreamer Well-Known Member

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    Not true. There were seven of some animals (or depending on how you read it four or fourteen of each)
     
  17. Gazolba

    Gazolba Well-Known Member

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    That just shows you how much attention I paid to the Bible.
    I've always been far more interested in the books that were banned from being in the Bible.
    That intrigues me no end.
     
  18. SkyBlueScottie

    SkyBlueScottie Well-Known Member

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    There was me thinking Craig David was a quick mover.
     
  19. shmmeee

    shmmeee Well-Known Member

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    Can’t prove a negative. Burden of proof is on those making the claim.
     
  20. Tommo1993

    Tommo1993 Well-Known Member

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    If the ice cream van is playing it’s music then it’s ran out of ice cream.

    And my mum used to pretend to put salt on my food, but her finger would be covering the hole of the shaker. She’d do it fast so we didn’t notice. Git.
     
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  21. Houchens Head

    Houchens Head Fairly well known member from Malvern

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    Ha ha! I used to do this for my kids!
     
  22. Tommo1993

    Tommo1993 Well-Known Member

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    Was only a couple years ago I noticed her do the same with my niece. Years of lies and violation!
     
  23. bezzer

    bezzer Active Member

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    Staring in the mirror for too long and the devil would look over your shoulder.
     
  24. Mask

    Mask Member

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    The ones I heard have mainly been said here. I was also told that eating carrots would help you see in the dark.

    My nan used to say she had eyes in the back of her head, but she was a bit nuts anyway. Bless her.
     
  25. Sbarcher

    Sbarcher Well-Known Member

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    Has the cat got your tongue?
     
  26. Sky_Blue_Dreamer

    Sky_Blue_Dreamer Well-Known Member

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    I agree. Dead Sea Scrolls etc far more fascinating and show the Bible is only there to push a particular view (predominantly a male-centric one)
     
  27. Sky_Blue_Dreamer

    Sky_Blue_Dreamer Well-Known Member

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    The carrots thing was made up by the UK govt in WWII to
    a) Hide the fact we had radar from the Germans
    b) Get people to eat more carrots because there was a decent supply of them compared to other things.
     
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  28. Malaka

    Malaka Well-Known Member

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    You mean this is a lie from the BBC?
     
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  29. Sky_Blue_Dreamer

    Sky_Blue_Dreamer Well-Known Member

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    Yes
     
  30. OffenhamSkyBlue

    OffenhamSkyBlue Well-Known Member

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    That was Snow White you were watching!
     
  31. Gazolba

    Gazolba Well-Known Member

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    Lucozade can cure illness.
    I begged my Mum to buy it when I had a bad cold.
    Was convinced it would hekp me.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2019
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  32. Gazolba

    Gazolba Well-Known Member

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    I was a quiet kid and rarely put my hand up in class, so one teacher actually wrote that in my school report.
    I still have the (Caludon Castle) report (see below).
    This idiot forgot we weren't allowed to talk in class nor during lunch.
    Did-the-cat-get-his-tongue.jpg
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2019
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  33. Houchens Head

    Houchens Head Fairly well known member from Malvern

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    Reminded me of that old joke: Little girl in class starts to cry. Teacher notices and says "What's the matter, Jenny?" Jenny sobs, "I've wet myself Miss!"
    "Why on earth didn't you put your hand up?". Jenny replies, "I did Miss, but it just trickled through my fingers!"
     
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  34. Gazolba

    Gazolba Well-Known Member

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    There were no girls at Caludon Castle. No female teachers either. It was as if the opposite sex did not exist.
    Since I never had any sisters, I thought girls were from another planet.
    I think another lie we were told (or at least implied) was that if you did well in school, you would do well in life.
    Once I started working I quickly learned that few people cared how clever you were so long as you were self-confident and talked a lot.
     
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  35. vow

    vow Well-Known Member

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    Me: 'wheres dad?'
    Mum: 'gone to see a man about a dog'


    We never got a dog.
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2019
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