joke(s) (1 Viewer)

richnrg

Well-Known Member

• Jan 10, 2020

• #1

saw this on another site, and had to share:

When my sexy young neighbour knocked on my door and said someone has been stealing her clothes off the washing line,I nearly shat her pants

 

LastGarrison

Well-Known Member

• Jan 10, 2020

• #2

I’ve just had a book published on poltergeists........


It’s flying off the shelves!

 

Wyken Sky Blue

Well-Known Member

• Jan 10, 2020

• #3

What did Yoko say when John Lennon was murdered?

Ono...

Sent from my I3113 using Tapatalk

 

Covkid1968#

Well-Known Member

• Jan 10, 2020

• #4

skyblue1991 said:

What did Yoko say when John Lennon was murdered?

Ono...

Sent from my I3113 using Tapatalk

Click to expand...

Haha.... we have quickly established the level of entry

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Jan 10, 2020

• #5

Teacher: “Now, Johnny, I want you to give me a sentence containing ‘contagious’”

Johnny: “My dad’s painting our house. It’ll take the c**t ages!”

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Jan 10, 2020

• #6

"What do we want?”

“Hearing aids!"

"When do we want them?”

“Hearing aids!"

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Jan 10, 2020

• #7

I was just taking a dip in the swimming pool when the lifeguard shouted out;

"What have you got there?"

"Hummus", I replied.

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Jan 10, 2020

• #8

As a personal tribute to David Bowie I've made a whole tin of Heroes last just for one day.

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Jan 10, 2020

• #9

My wife told me she's loving me because I don't listen to her properly.

 

Sky_Blue_Daz

Well-Known Member

• Jan 10, 2020

• #10

A lady knocked on our door earlier she was taking donations for a new swimming pool, so I gave her a bucket of water

 

Sky_Blue_Daz

Well-Known Member

• Jan 11, 2020

• #11

My grief councillor died yesterday, luckily he was so good I couldn’t give a shit

 

Sky_Blue_Daz

Well-Known Member

• Jan 11, 2020

• #12

The lady who lives across the road from me has described me as a looker..... Well voyeur but same thing

 

Evo1883

Well-Known Member

• Jul 31, 2024

• #13

richnrg said:

saw this on another site, and had to share:

When my sexy young neighbour knocked on my door and said someone has been stealing her clothes off the washing line,I nearly shat her pants

Click to expand...

Really tickled me that has

 

D

Deleted member 5849

Guest

• Jul 31, 2024

• #14

Evo1883 said:

Really tickled me that has

Click to expand...

Four years to get the punchline is some going!

 

Blind-Faith

Well-Known Member

• Aug 1, 2024

• #15

Sent my hearing aids off for repair three weeks ago….

I haven’t heard anything since

 

Robinshio

Well-Known Member

• Aug 1, 2024

• #16

2 dogs in a room

1st dog. Tell me a joke
2nd dog. Knock knock

both dogs. Woof woof woof wooof wooof woof woof woof wooof

 

S

Skybluekyle

Well-Known Member

• Aug 1, 2024

• #17

My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser and that we were over.

So I packed her things and left.

 

S

Skybluekyle

Well-Known Member

• Aug 2, 2024

• #18

Was walking home from work and some random guy threw a jar of mayonnaise at me, I was like "what the Hellmann's?!"

 

Blind-Faith

Well-Known Member

• Aug 3, 2024

• #19

When I was younger my fairy god mother asked me if I wanted a long penis or a long memory……



I can’t remember which one I chose???

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Aug 3, 2024

• #20

My missus says I only have two faults.
1. I never fully listen to her.
2. Er.....um.....er..... and something else she was banging on about.

 

fatso

Well-Known Member

• Aug 3, 2024

• #21

How do you get a fat bird into bed?




Piece of cake

 

eedyut

Well-Known Member

• Aug 3, 2024

• #22

"Sometimes, the power of a homophone hits you like a ten ton truck", articulated Laurie.

 

eedyut

Well-Known Member

• Aug 3, 2024

• #23

At school the other kids used to push me around and call me lazy; I loved that wheelchair.

 

Blind-Faith

Well-Known Member

• Aug 4, 2024

• #24

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg???


Pick it up and suck it’s cock

 

Sky_Blue_Daz

Well-Known Member

• Aug 4, 2024

• #25

Had me first cage fight yesterday

I battered that guinea pig

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Aug 4, 2024

• #26

I can't stand sitting down.

 

eedyut

Well-Known Member

• Aug 4, 2024

• #27

Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar...Demerara.

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Jan 16, 2025

• #28

My mate asked me "Who was the Roman Goddess of marriage?"
I said "Juno."
He said "NO!! That's why I'm asking you!"

 

MalcSB

Well-Known Member

• Jan 17, 2025

• #29

Sir Keir Starmer.

Boom boom.

 

Sky_Blue_Daz

Well-Known Member

• Jan 17, 2025

• #30

There's been 2 tonnes of vicks vaporub spilled on the m6 , amazingly no congestion

 

Sky_Blue_Daz

Well-Known Member

• Jan 17, 2025

• #31

I’ve developed an addiction to drinking brake fluid , but I can stop anytime I want

 

Frank Sidebottom

Well-Known Member

• Jan 19, 2025

• #32

I went to the local video shop and said could I borrow Batman Forever? He said, no you have to bring it back tomorrow.

 

Sky_Blue_Daz

Well-Known Member

• Jan 19, 2025

• #33

The wife’s just called me a sex machine , well to be fair she called me a fucking spanner but I’m trying to put a positive spin on it

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Jan 20, 2025

• #34

My gorgeous looking neighbour said I was a looker!

Well, voyeur. Same thing.

 

SBQuin

Well-Known Member

• Jan 20, 2025

• #35

I started working for the Samaritans recently, phoned in and tried to book sick last week but the b******s talked me out of it!

 

Last edited: Jan 20, 2025