What the hell did you just say about van Ewijk, you little liability merchant? I’ll have you know he graduated top of his class in elite Dutch wing-back warfare, and he’s been involved in more tactical raids down the right flank than your brain has cells. He has over 400 confirmed overlaps, is trained in high-speed counter-attacks, and is the top transitional weapon in the Championship. You are nothing to him but another weak, clueless Twitter pundit with a Greggs addiction.
He will wipe you the hell out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before at the CBS. Mark my words. You think you can get away with calling Milan van Ewijk a liability? Think again, cretin. As we speak, my secret network of Sky Blue die-hards are pinging screenshots to group chats, and your post is being turned into a meme. You better prepare for the storm — the storm that repositions your tactical credibility to League Two level.
You’re done. Van Ewijk can be anywhere, anytime, and he can roast an entire back line in over seven hundred ways — and that’s just in second gear. Not only is he extensively trained in defensive recovery and line-breaking sprints, but he has access to Frank Lampards Tactical Codex, and he will use them to dismantle your footballing opinions in a matter of seconds.
If only you’d known what holy retribution your stupid little “he’s a liability” comment was about to unleash, maybe you’d have kept your Tesco-value take to yourself. But no — you had to open your gob. And now Milan’s going to put in a MOTM performance just to spite you. You’ll be sitting there in silence, hoping no one remembers. Milan made one mistake. You make a mistake every time you log on.
#BackVanEwijk
#PUSB
