Dumbest work meetings (1 Viewer)

napolimp · Dec 5, 2023

Anyone got any good examples?

Was in a stress management meeting all afternoon yesterday. The takeaway was that the best way to reduce stress was to reduce workload. I lost an entire afternoon of productivity.

Sbarcher · Dec 5, 2023

My wife works for the NHS and she came home one day and said the cleaners had an afternoon tuition on how to mop floors.

shmmeee · Dec 5, 2023

Sbarcher said:
My wife works for the NHS and she came home one day and said the cleaners had an afternoon tuition on how to mop floors.

I mean, that seems pretty relevant.

I was called into the Leicester office for a day to do an all day meeting that we all spent most of in silence on our laptops

Ccfcsj · Dec 5, 2023

I've been in a few (so called) pre-meetings to work out what we want the meeting agenda etc to look like. Basically a meeting to plan a meeting

PVA · Dec 5, 2023

I've just come out of a meeting about a grievance raised by an employee about one of their colleagues using smelly hair product.

Grendel · Dec 5, 2023

We employed this guy to do team building once

Mark Hadlow ONZM | GCM

Mark Hadlow ONZM

gcm.co.nz

He dressed in various guises including a character like Windsor Davies’ Sergeant Major making everyone march around and yell in their face

Then he was in drag and was making strange Carry On suggestions to people

At one point he did a demonstration of Land Roger accessories and said regarding one item if it was there to cover up a particularly large bush - queue Pervy leer

Very motivating

Brighton Sky Blue · Dec 5, 2023

I’m in the wrong line of work

Grendel · Dec 5, 2023

Brighton Sky Blue said:
I’m in the wrong line of work

He actually started as a crocodile Dundee character and some raisins were strategically placed on the floor which he ate and identified the animal droppings he thought they were as he’d just escaped from the outback and had lived on animal shit. I did want to point out we were in Northamptonshire but didn’t want to spoil the fun.

Nick · Dec 5, 2023

Most of them are pointless.

napolimp · Dec 5, 2023

Ccfcsj said:
I've been in a few (so called) pre-meetings to work out what we want the meeting agenda etc to look like. Basically a meeting to plan a meeting

These ones are good. The meeting pyramid scheme. Organise a meeting to work out what meetings you need, then each of those meetings will spawn their own meetings.

Otis · Dec 5, 2023

I remember having a safety meeting. It was at a smokeless fuel plant, so we had a lot of mechanics and engineers and a lot of maintenance teams etc. We were the office team, so it didn't really involve us, but we were invited in anyway

The seminar went on all day and they were endlessly droning on about safe work practices and ensuring everything was safe and leaving everything safe for others and putting up appropriate signs such as "slippy floor" or "men working overhead" etc.

They said "when you are working you must put up appropriate signage and ensure you don't leave open manholes or electrical panels etc."

The meeting ended and I was first to leave. I actually walked out with the safety manager right behind me and as soon as I opened the door, there was a floor panel left up right outside the door in the corridor. No sign, no workmen, no warning. Just a great big gaping hole.

I turned to him and said "Norman look at this. There's a huge hole in the floor! Isn't that the exact thing you just talked about?"

And he turned me and shrugged and said "well you better watch where you are walking then" and wandered off in the opposite direction.

shmmeee · Dec 5, 2023

Brighton Sky Blue said:
I’m in the wrong line of work

You must have some CPD stories. My favourite was the woman who came to tell us how to teach in a more engaging way and how people’s attention drifts if your delivery is too boring. She did this by droning on in front of a black and white test PowerPoint for two hours.

rob9872 · Dec 5, 2023

PVA said:
I've just come out of a meeting about a grievance raised by an employee about one of their colleagues using smelly hair product.

Tbf he was a dwarf

skybluetony176 · Dec 5, 2023

I worked for a company once that insisted on sending you on various courses all of a similar theme and quite often for a week, 90% of which were with the same training company. The first one was usefulish as a new employee although I’d been recruited from the opposition in an industry I’d worked in for 5 years. When they tried to send me for the 3rd year running I refused to go pointing out it was more productive to be in work for a week than on a course going over the same things again. They accepted that but then the following year they got me to go again insisting that it was a new course. So I went, it wasn’t. They’d just shuffled the day’s around so you did the same things in a different order. Never went on one again, although they tried every year. It turned out that the director of the training company they mostly used was a relative of one of our directors and the order to send people on it came down from head office.

fernandopartridge · Dec 5, 2023

Sbarcher said:
My wife works for the NHS and she came home one day and said the cleaners had an afternoon tuition on how to mop floors.

Tbf there are technical standards that are regularly updated so it's understandable

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fernandopartridge · Dec 5, 2023

We had somebody from Laughology come in once to tell us how it was important to have a laugh

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Sky_Blue_Daz · Dec 5, 2023

I was on a course years ago about inclusion and how everyone in society should be treated the same , the guy doing the course said he sent his kids to private school as he earned a very good salary . I thought that negated the course to be honest

Otis · Dec 5, 2023

fernandopartridge said:
Tbf there are technical standards that are regularly updated so it's understandable

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You saying it like that makes the story a whole lot less amusing.

Deleted member 5849 · Dec 5, 2023

It's the meetings to discuss what to discuss in the meetings which seem particularly relevant!

Sick Boy · Dec 5, 2023

Deleted member 5849 said:
It's the meetings to discuss what to discuss in the meetings which seem particularly relevant!

This. I’ve been in a meeting about a meeting about a meeting.

wingy · Dec 5, 2023

Don't knock it lads!

Robinshio · Dec 5, 2023

ive been asked to go to a meeting in london with a colleague next week
2 of us will have a 20 minute slot for the rest of them to say thankyou for something we have been working on - Condescending as F***

Everyone else in the meeting is then going for Xmas lunch, but we are not invited
There is definitely an expense claim going in for the 2 of us for a bloody good lunch

rob9872 · Dec 5, 2023

We insist on people being in the office who then spend a lot of the day on Teams calls, often with people in the same office. Even more annoying without headphones and hearing both sides.

wingy · Dec 5, 2023

rob9872 said:
We insist on people being in the office who then spend a lot of the day on Teams calls, often with people in the same office. Even more annoying without headphones and hearing both sides.

You for homeworking then rob?

olderskyblue · Dec 5, 2023

fernandopartridge said:
We had somebody from Laughology come in once to tell us how it was important to have a laugh

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Nick, can you get this person to come in here? Might cheer up some of the miserable buggers on the site

napolimp · Dec 5, 2023

olderskyblue said:
Nick, can you get this person to come in here? Might cheer up some of the miserable buggers on the site

A one-on-one session for Matt Smith may be useful.

Sky_Blue_Daz said:
I was on a course years ago about inclusion and how everyone in society should be treated the same , the guy doing the course said he sent his kids to private school as he earned a very good salary . I thought that negated the course to be honest

That's instead of the alternative course, everyone in society should be treated differently. The approach we take at the moment.

rob9872 · Dec 5, 2023

wingy said:
You for homeworking then rob?

I actually quite like going in, but hate it when the office is rammed. Just becomes hot and noisy.

Nuskyblue · Dec 5, 2023

Sbarcher said:
My wife works for the NHS and she came home one day and said the cleaners had an afternoon tuition on how to mop floors.

To be fair there is a right way of mopping a floor. Or more maybe an order.

wingy · Dec 5, 2023

rob9872 said:
I actually quite like going in, but hate it when the office is rammed. Just becomes hot and noisy.

Maybe generational then,oh there's definitely benefits of being in and around but I think a mix of both.The waste of time and energy literally over selling a few coffees/lunches transport etc especially when energy is a rip off for X reasons?

shmmeee · Dec 5, 2023

What is the right way to mop a floor???

wingy · Dec 5, 2023

Figure of 8but side ways?

napolimp · Dec 5, 2023

shmmeee said:
What is the right way to mop a floor???

With water and soap, dry mop does not work.

shmmeee · Dec 5, 2023

napolimp said:
With water and soap, dry mop does not work.

Ian1779 · Dec 5, 2023

Every single first INSET day after the summer holiday - biggest load of bollocks ever.

LastGarrison · Dec 5, 2023

I once had a sales meeting where we were made to stand up for the whole meeting as supposedly that’s how the Japanese do it and it ‘concentrates the mind’.

Dumbest work meetings (1 Viewer)

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