Clive Eakin would be in his element.
'The guy in the mask on the ball. Lovely through ball to another guy in a mask. Cross comes in from the right, from a guy in a mask and the guy in the mask in the box, totally unmarked, from just 5 yards out, puts the ball just wide.
He goes to put his head in his hands, but then remembers, he's not supposed to touch his face. '