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Jesus. He said he'd save us but did he bollocks?

Just this minute started pouring down here and thunder. @skyblueindorset it'll be with you soon as it's moving west.

The squash. I just measured it - 70cm so 2.3 feet, was guessing before. I buried about 1,000 cm cubed of wormery produce before planting, maybe that's why? I don't do runner beans but my french beans are doing well - second crop ready.

Me too. I shudder to imagine our water bill. We've got so many courgettes that I cannot keep up with them despite giving them away - and a butternut squash that's nearly three feet long. Best potato harvest ever too. The veggies seem to liking the weather.

Thanks Reg The oddest thing happened afterwards - one hen survived and she had been sitting on some eggs left to go cold overnight when we put them away. Almost miraculously, she managed to hatch one. There was another hen in a different house hatching two duck eggs (the duck had given up)...

I reckon Shipperz will play as part of the first 11 when all are fit at least some of the time.

Oh do fuck off to Off Topic you sneering wanker.

I've shrunk it, for those of us that find huge pictures just too brazen.

Up there? Do you live in the English Channel?

Which part of it do you like the most? The rum, the sodomy or the lash?

I'm rubbish at writing myself off - so even if I tried I'd probably fail.

Not keen on this one. I love that we have a young team. Robins knows loads more than me so if it's true it'll be the right thing to do but I'd rather take a chance on someone aged 22 we've never heard of before.

Nobody here wants to hear about your hairy arse.

Nah... I only occasionally think of something that I think is funny - and from the responses many others don't agree. That's fine - don't want to turn into a David Brent type person who has zero self-knowledge or self-depreciation. :)

I'll get you an appointment at the gender reassignment clinic pdq. I thin k you may need puberty blockers.

I wrote a quiz for Jackie Magazine on how much you like Coventry City. Unfortunately, it seems that Jackie magazine no longer exists... so I tried Cosmopolitan and they told me to come back when I had something more sexy. The editor also said that my quiz was shit but I think she was joking...

No, that's seven figures. To be six figures it has to be more than a million and less than £9,999.99. I'm keeping tenths of a penny out of this to ensure there is no confusion.