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Thing is with Tatsu you are guaranteed 100% work rate and a brilliant attitude, no ego and no stropping about. That’s gold for a team and for a squad and Robins loves that kind of character. He’s going to be key for us this season, in a season where you are playing 50 odd games if doesn’t...

If Dominic Calvert-Lewin played for us he’d be getting pilloried on here week-in-week-out.

So shit having too many good players to fit into a starting XI. It was much easier when we had Ellery Cairo to come off the bench on 60 minutes.

You make a compelling and completely novel point.

Do you think we need to sign a central midfielder and a Godden replacement then? Weird, you haven’t mentioned it 100 times.

So many small things adding up to make us feel like a serious football club - proper pre-season games at home on a pitch that looks good, senior players available to come off the bench, a full coaching staff on the sidelines, a proper shirt sponsor, players we have signed for actual money. I...

TORP TORP TORP. HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?

Everton commentators can’t believe how good we are. Bless them.

You’ll know If the TV is slow because the seconds on the clock will tick by slower than once every second.

I’m lumping £500 on the league-cup double and for Ellis Simms to get an England call-up. Unless we concede a goal in which case I’m going to call in to CWR and cry about Gus Hamer and the ongoing wait for the away kit.

Everton are piss poor aren’t they. They’re in for another shit season.

Rudoni looks like a proper upgrade on that lad that went to Sheffield. Quick footballing mind, willing to take a risk, covers loads of ground. Really looking forward to watching him this season.

We’re gonna piss the league.

So you think you can read into statistics which by your generous admission might be 30% out. Wild. If Milan van Ewijk was 30% better he’d be a world beater. If Ellis Simms was 30% worse he’d be playing in the conference. I don’t think you understand how maths, or football, work.

Maybe we’ll get him and Udogie for the season.

I’ve only ever seen him quoted here, maybe I’m just incredibly astute.

Thanks, so clearly an authority on the square root of fuck all then. What a weapon

I’m delighted to see Sakamoto’s name in a lineup again. I think he’s going to be massive for us this season.

For the benefit of the uninitiated, who is this clown? His tweets come across like those of some desperate hanger on who gets all of his self-worth from twitter likes but I assume he is/was somehow connected to the club?