Recent content by fellatio_Martinez

We started getting symptoms last Tuesday but they were fairly mild. Since the weekend it's ramped up and has pretty much made us bed bound. Even walking to the toilet is a task. My legs feel really heavy like when you get out of a swimming pool. One of her colleagues has tested positive for...

Thanks for asking. She's still suffering with the persistent cough and it's got so bad at points today that she was vomiting because of it. I have zero energy, a constant headache, my eyes are really sensitive, an old football injury in my neck is now killing me from out of nowhere and I'm...

No need to worry anymore, lads. This fella has put a stop to the virus.

Speaking of Jason Bateman. I've been watching Arrested Development again the past few days. The complete madness and silliness of it is a great distraction from what's going on.

Thanks for that. I thought I was over the worst but today I woke up and didn't have the energy to get out of bed. I've completely lost all sense of smell and I ache all over. It's like nothing I've ever experienced. I called the doctor regarding my girlfriend and he said he's pretty sure we...

When this shit storm properly hits, some people are going to have big fucking regrets. My girlfriend has developed a persistent, horrible dry cough and tightness in her chest. She's completely floored and can barely get out of bed. Every symptom points to COVID. This is a healthy 28 year old...

Tiger King on Netflix is probably the most entertaining documentary series I've ever seen. I watched 6 episodes back to back today.

"You complete turnip fucker! Return to my personal space at once or I shall fetch my potato peeler and make organic kettle crisps from your arse cheeks!"

She truly is a WILF (Weatherwoman I'd like to fondle)

It was Lionel Blair, who had just pirouetted effortlessly through the kitchen with the youthful exuberance of a spring lamb, did the splits and shouted "jesus, take me now!"

I was awoken this morning by my girlfriend watching TikTok videos at full volume on her phone next to me in bed and she didn't understand why it would annoy me.

Wasn't his Birmingham move very lucrative to him? He might not have set the world alight but he made a fair amount which is what most footballers gauge success by.

I hope what I have is COVID because I'm pretty sure it's not going to kill me but I don't think I'll ever know. Everyone with symptoms should have access to testing. It's a joke.

It's a godsend. I actually used it tonight cos my girlfriend was freaking out because she thinks she has the coronavirus so I played the 20mins relaxation section, she fell asleep and woke up in a good mood.

What breed of dog is that?