Divorce (1 Viewer)

Otis

Well-Known Member
Obviously too worth seeking out Fathers4Justice and any other groups out there of people in like-minded situations.

The more you hear other stories and other outcomes, the more it might guide your thinking, as you will see what the percentage on the outcome of probability will be.
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
just wrong how women entitled to so much after a failed marriage. dont get it
In this, the 21st century, it is just bizarre.

I pay the mortgage in our house and always have done, but I would fully expect me to lose the house if me and the missus ever split up.

I also do all the picking up of my daughter from school, all the taking to parties, all the taking to the park, her constant trips to London, taking her to friends and sleepovers and drama sessions and shows and the cinema and ice skating .....

Basically everywhere. Always me.

Very much expecting with the breakup that I wouldn't get custody of her either.

Hence the murder, sorry, tragic accident planning.
 

stupot07

Well-Known Member
Sorry Shmmeee, you might already have answered this, but have sought legal advice yet?

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shmmeee

Well-Known Member
Sorry Shmmeee, you might already have answered this, but have sought legal advice yet?

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Not yet. Looking for the best cost/reliability tradeoff. Don't really want to go full lawyer, been looking at CAB or similar.
 

Majik

Member
Hi Shmmee. I'm a bit of a lurker on the forums in general and have only just stumbled across this thread, and feel I can input as I've been through it in a very similar situation (but without the kids). My ex-wife was fine until her Mum got in her ear and then it all went to shit and the word "fair" lost all meaning. I put her through Uni, paid every bill, including the mortgage on the house (NOT from a joint account) and contributed everything (including the cleaning and cooking, if I'm feeling honest about it all) and paying for the mediators (who were from Cov and very good - referred by CAB) . Now the good news, so to speak.

Weigh up the monetary cost vs the lack of stress. It took me ages and I felt worn down, but in retrospect I should have done it almost instantly. Simply find out what she wants. Get it in writing through somebody legal. Take a long hard look and stop thinking about the time, tears, sweat and stress you put in previously. It's just a number on a piece of paper, and some stuff. Disassociate yourself. Half and half? No problem - ask to be bought out of the house (should be easily done if you've increased the value with repairs and investment) and then MOVE ON!!!!! Every penny you feel aggrieved to give away is ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT to be free of future encumbrances and months of resentment building up. The only thing to be concerned about is your kids. That's it. Get that in writing at the same time to ensure 50/50.

50/50 is the absolute best you can hope for, so don't quibble over objects and numbers. Get it done, and done quickly. Release the burden as soon as you can and rebuild yourself and your life with your kids before it all becomes poisoned (and it WILL if you let it).
 

Sick Boy

Well-Known Member
Sorry to hear you're going through a hard time...I know from my own experience how devastating a break up can be. I know it's a cliché and hard to believe at the moment but you will come out of it stronger and happier. After a break up of a 5 year relationship I found it difficult for a while but I can honestly say now I'm with a woman much better for me, younger and better looking. ;)
 

SkyblueBazza

Well-Known Member
Hi Shmmee. I'm a bit of a lurker on the forums in general and have only just stumbled across this thread, and feel I can input as I've been through it in a very similar situation (but without the kids). My ex-wife was fine until her Mum got in her ear and then it all went to shit and the word "fair" lost all meaning. I put her through Uni, paid every bill, including the mortgage on the house (NOT from a joint account) and contributed everything (including the cleaning and cooking, if I'm feeling honest about it all) and paying for the mediators (who were from Cov and very good - referred by CAB) . Now the good news, so to speak.

Weigh up the monetary cost vs the lack of stress. It took me ages and I felt worn down, but in retrospect I should have done it almost instantly. Simply find out what she wants. Get it in writing through somebody legal. Take a long hard look and stop thinking about the time, tears, sweat and stress you put in previously. It's just a number on a piece of paper, and some stuff. Disassociate yourself. Half and half? No problem - ask to be bought out of the house (should be easily done if you've increased the value with repairs and investment) and then MOVE ON!!!!! Every penny you feel aggrieved to give away is ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT to be free of future encumbrances and months of resentment building up. The only thing to be concerned about is your kids. That's it. Get that in writing at the same time to ensure 50/50.

50/50 is the absolute best you can hope for, so don't quibble over objects and numbers. Get it done, and done quickly. Release the burden as soon as you can and rebuild yourself and your life with your kids before it all becomes poisoned (and it WILL if you let it).
THAT looks like a plan!

...onwards & upwards PUSB
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
Sorry to hear you're going through a hard time...I know from my own experience how devastating a break up can be. I know it's a cliché and hard to believe at the moment but you will come out of it stronger and happier. After a break up of a 5 year relationship I found it difficult for a while but I can honestly say now I'm with a woman much better for me, younger and better looking. ;)
Yes, she is isn't she.
 

ICHAN

Well-Known Member
Sorry to hear your news shmmeee been through it twice, second time sounds very familiar to you, everything was fine just like any other day, I moved over this part of the country so no family etc here, then out of the blue after working nights in Milton Keynes and getting home, I used to pick daughter up from school before I used to drive back to work and she just said as calm as you like "no need to pick daughter up as she was going to see solicitor to see about a divorce" she never spoke of it and hasn't since, all I can say is this to you and how I coped.
If that's what she wants then how can I object, I loved her and was my soul mate, but I just thought to myself, I love her enough to let her be happy and respect her decision.
We have a daughter together and we get on like best friends and I can see my daughter whenever I want.
Although daughter made us left after I moved out, first time I went back the daughter said that they had a party when I left haha 4 year old kids.
Keep smiling mate and it will get better over time and I hope you can both stay friends as it's easier that way.
Good luck
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
God, this is longer ago than I thught!

Anyway, just wondered if this all sorted itself out? (Yes, I know it's a bit odd to wonder about a random pseudonym on a random message board but, hey...)
Didn't Shmmeee say it was all resolved and back to happy coupling?
 

Colin1883

Member
Missus has just told me she wants a divorce. Been together 13 years, married for 4.5.

Anyone who has been through it?

Got any advice?


Bend over and smile !!!!!!!

If you got kids she will make your life a living hell over access / child support even if you have a court order for access she will be able to deny you access simply by saying there I'll
 

Bidda

Well-Known Member
Missus has just told me she wants a divorce. Been together 13 years, married for 4.5.

Anyone who has been through it?

Got any advice?
The only winners in divorce are the effing lawyers who accused me of all sorts of things when l got divorced in 2005, and mine took most of my savings in their fees. £250 an hour just to draft letters that l often had to amend to correct spelling and grammatical errors. If, sadly, you and your wife are going to divorce then try to do it amicably BUT get whatever you agree put into a formal agreement.
 

Gazolba

Well-Known Member
A good song for divorced guys:
 

rob9872

Well-Known Member
The time this thread's been going I thought you were divorced, remarried and this was onto the next one :)
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
We’ve been back together for the last 6 months or so, got into a fight about money (she’s not been working for a couple of months) and she pulled the trigger again.
Hopefully this time the gun backfires and she shoots herself in the face.

Some women can be ticking timebombs and they store away all the grievances in the backs of their minds like demented hamsters and acting like everything is okay, only to reel off a War and Peace list of 'things that are wrong' at the merest bit of conflict.
 

NorthernWisdom

Well-Known Member
Don't lose heart, Shmmeee. A row over money can be amicably resolved if both sides want that.
However... having a divorce card pulled twice in six months isn't great.

I know nobody wants a harbinger of doom, but you probably need to ask if this is just a blackmail, a surface excuse when she wants an excuse to leave etc. The emotional turmoil every now and again is worse thasn just getting it done with, so best to find out what she *really* wants.
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
However... having a divorce card pulled twice in six months isn't great.

I know nobody wants a harbinger of doom, but you probably need to ask if this is just a blackmail, a surface excuse when she wants an excuse to leave etc. The emotional turmoil every now and again is worse thasn just getting it done with, so best to find out what she *really* wants.
Yep. Agree with all of that and though the argument may be over money, that may just be on the surface and it's something much deeper or a reinforcement of what was wrong previously in her eyes.
 

Earlsdon_Skyblue1

Well-Known Member
We’ve been back together for the last 6 months or so, got into a fight about money (she’s not been working for a couple of months) and she pulled the trigger again.

Is there a chance of working it out, as in, does she flip out regularly like that? If so, try and work through it.

If not... Go the fuck down to STA travel and book yourself a trip to the other side of the world. Worked for me when things went to shit with my ex.
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
Is there a chance of working it out, as in, does she flip out regularly like that? If so, try and work through it.

If not... Go the fuck down to STA travel and book yourself a trip to the other side of the world. Worked for me when things went to shit with my ex.
Did you ever come back?
 

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