Bunnykins

There was a young man from Surrey
Who decided to go for a curry
Thought awfully nice
It was too full of spice
He ran to the loo in a hurry!

Man in pub: ‘Do you serve shrimps?’
Barman: ‘Certainly, sir. We serve anyone.’

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Q: How do we know men don’t fake their orgasms?
A: Because no-one would pull those faces on purpose.

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Q: What happens when a dentist marries a manicurist?
A: They fight tooth and nail.

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An old man marries a young girl and on their wedding night he rushes up to bed early. When she goes up later she’s horrified to find him lying, stark naked, pointing a gun at his head.
‘What are you doing?’ she cries.
‘Trying to scare myself stiff,’ he replies.

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Why did the baker add Viagra to his flour? = He'd run out of self-raising

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How come Dorothy got lost in Oz?


She had three men giving her directions.
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Q: What’s the difference between a photograph and a man?
A: A photograph is fully developed.

Bunnykins

ERM, Why were my last 2 Jokes Deleted??

Nick

ERM, read the post?

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Bunnykins

oh ok I did'nt notice that

Bunnykins

Two packets of crisps are strolling down the road when a car pulls up and offers them a lift.
‘No thanks,’ they reply. ‘We’re walkers.’

Q: Why did the lady leopard sue for divorce?
A: She found out her husband was a cheetah.

covlad

ha ha very funny

Bunnykins

Two men are adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the provisions, the first man comes across an old lamp. He rubs it and a genie appears.
The genie says that rather than the usual three wishes, he can grant just one. So the man blurts out: ‘Turn the entire ocean into beer!’
The genie claps his hands and turns the sea into beer.
The men consider the situation. Then the second man looks at the first in disgust. ‘Nice going!’ he snarls. ‘Now we’re stuck with having to pee in the boat.’
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A man asks his wife what she’d like for her birthday. ‘I want to be eight again’ she replies. So, on the morning of her birthday he gets up early, brings her a big bowl of Coco Pops and then takes her to the local theme park.
Five hours later she staggers, head reeling and queasy.
Afterwards, they go to McDonald’s where he orders her a Happy Meal. Then it’s was off to the cinema to see a cartoon hot dogs, popcorn and fizzy drinks.
Finally they go home with collapse on the bed exhausted.
He leans over his precious wife with a big smile. ‘Well, dear,’ he says. ‘What was it like being eight again?’
‘Awful,’ she snaps. ‘I meant my dress size, you idiot!’
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pagey89

Jesus goes into a bar and sits at a table in the corner.

An Australian, an Irishman and a Liverpudlian are in the bar. They're staring at the man sitting by himself, at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.

They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'

Sure enough, it is Jesus nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.

Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.

He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God, the arthritis I've had for thirty years is gone. It's a miracle!'

Jesus then shakes the hand of the Aussie, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. 'Strewth mate, the back pain I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle.'

Jesus then approaches the Liverpudlian who knocks over a chair and a table in trying to get away from the Son of God.

'What's wrong?' says Jesus.

The Liverpudlian shouts, 'F**k off, I'm on disability benefit!'

pagey89

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed . 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

Bunnykins

Brill pagey